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Dick Ham Just Thinking

I was just thinking the other day about blondes. I know that is certainly not a surprise to my regular readers. I was in a store the other day and two different people asked, ‘When will you do another blonde column?’ So, here it is, I hope you enjoy it.

A man arose early on a Saturday morning. He very quietly dressed so as not to awaken his blonde wife. He slipped out of the bedroom and into his garage where he hitched his boat to his pickup and backed out of the garage into a raging storm. He quickly pulled back into the garage and unhooked the boat. He turned on the radio and learned that the rain would last all day. He slipped back into the house, quietly undressed and slipped back into the bed next to his blonde wife.

As he cuddled next to her, he said, “It’s raining like crazy out there.” Without opening her eyes the blonde replied, “Yeah, and my idiot husband is out fishing in all that.”

A blonde had been shopping and when she returned to her convertible, she found that her iPod had been stolen from her car. She promptly called the police and when they investigated, they found that she had rolled up the windows, locked the doors and turned on the alarm. However, she had failed to put the top up.

A blonde was having difficulty paying her rent. The landlord asked when he could expect to receive payment. Her answer was, “It won’t be much longer, I got a tattoo and the artist messed it up. I’m expecting a refund any day now.”

A blonde was in a conversation with a co-worker. The co-worker said, “My son is now 18 months old.” The blonde inquired, “Is that like a year-and-a-half old?”

The coworker asked, “Do you mean you aren’t sure 18 months is equal to a year-and-a-half?”

The blonde replied, “How do you expect me to know? I don’t have any kids.”

A blonde was in the Social Security office applying for benefits. The interviewer asked if she had ever been married. The blonde said, “Yes, two times.”

“Did either of them end in death?” the staffer asked.

“No, I got out alive both times,” answered the blonde.

A blonde pulled up to a drive-through window at a fast-food restaurant and requested an item from their lunch menu. The person on duty explained that it was too early for lunch, that their breakfast menu was all that was available. The blonde then inquired, “Do you have anything on the breakfast menu that tastes like lunch?”

A blonde went to her doctor and when he examined her, he found her to be bruised, literally black and blue all over her body. He asked why she had all those bruises. Her reply was, “Every night I put on cold cream, face cream, wrinkle cream, vanishing cream, hand cream and skin cream.”

“How does that cause all these bruises?” The doctor asked.

“I keep slipping out of bed,” she said.

During a shopping trip, a blonde was trying on hats. When she put on a particular one, the sales lady said, “My, that is a great one for you, it makes you look 10 years younger.”

The blonde immediately removed it and placed it back on the rack. When the sales lady asked why, the blonde said, “I don’t want a hat that makes me look 10 years older every time I take it off.”

Trivia answer

The Louisville author who wrote scripts for “Rhoda” and several other TV shows is Sue Grafton.

Trivia question

In what Kentucky town did Colonel Harlan Sanders develop his secret fried chicken recipe of eleven herbs and spices in 1940?

Thought for the day

The problem with being retired is that you never know what day it is, what time it is, where you’re supposed to be, or what you’re supposed to be doing. It’s a lot like working for the government.

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