The Richmond Register

February 12, 2013

Yes, men do some dumb things

Just Thinking

By Dick Ham
Register Columnist

RICHMOND — I was just thinking the other day about some of the things we men do. This just further demonstrates how different we are from women. I know; all men are grateful for the differences.

A couple were watching TV one evening, she sitting on the couch and the husband lying with his head in her lap. She reached down, removed his glasses and said, “Honey, without your glasses your look a lot like the handsome young man I married 20 years ago.”

He replied, “Without my glasses, you don’t look too bad either.”

He can receive visitors in his hospital room from 2 to 4 each afternoon.

An older man was on the operating table awaiting surgery. His son, a renowned surgeon was to perform the operation. As he was about to receive the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.

“Yes, dad, what is it?” the son asked.

“Don’t be nervous son, just do your best. But remember, if it doesn’t go well and I don’t make it, your mother will come to live with you and your wife.”

A man was having trouble sleeping and went to his physician for help. After a battery of examinations, the doctor told him he could not find a reason for his insomnia.

“There is no medical reason for your sleeplessness,” the doctor said, “I suggest that you need to learn not to take your troubles to bed with you.”

The man replied, “That will never work, my wife refuses to sleep alone.”

Men are simple creatures

Men are simple creatures who tend to be very happy. They never change their last name, the garage is all theirs, wedding plans are taken care of by someone else. They can never be pregnant, they can wear a white T-shirt to a water park, or for that matter, no shirt at all to a water park.

An automobile mechanic will tell them the truth. They never have to drive to another gas station because the restroom at the first one is just too “icky.”

A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. They can open their own jars. Their underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. They can wear shorts no matter how bad their legs look. They can do their nails with a pocket knife.

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out to lunch, they will call each other, Laura, Kate and Sarah. When Mike, Dave and John go to lunch they will call each other Big Boy, Bubba and Wildman. When the check arrives the men will toss in a $20 bill each and never ask for change. When the ladies’ bill arrives, out come the pocket calculators.

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn’t need because it’s on sale.

In an argument the woman has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Let’s face it, men are simple creatures.

TRIVIA ANSWER — If you are in the Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore, you are in the state of Michigan. Some of the large dunes are said to resemble sleeping bears.

TRIVIA QUESTION — Who was the original host of the TV game show Jeopardy, prior to Alex Trebek?

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY — Married men live longer than single men, but married men are much more willing to die.