The Richmond Register

January 29, 2013

‘Bubba’ has been very busy lately


By Dick Ham
Register Columnist

RICHMOND — I was just thinking the other day about some of the stories about my pal, Bubba, the “good ol’ boy” from East Tennessee. I love his adventures.

Bubba was driving in his pick-up with a cow and his dog Blackie in the back. There had been a good bit of snow and the road was very slick.

Bubba rounded a curve and lost control of the truck and plummeted down a steep embankment. The truck rolled over several times and the cow and the dog were thrown out.

They were both alive but Bubba was trapped inside the overturned truck. Bubba had a broken leg, a broken arm and several cracked ribs. He was in excruciating pain.

A state trooper arrived on the scene, and as he carefully worked his way down the bank he encountered the cow. She had a broken leg and was obviously in pain. The trooper took out his gun and put her out of her misery.

He moved on down the slope and found Blackie crawling along dragging two broken legs and once again the trooper did the humane thing and put the dog out of it’s misery.

He came to Bubba, dragged him out of the overturned truck and then asked, “Are you in much pain sir?”

Bubba, eyeing the gun on the trooper’s hip replied, “Sir, I’ve never felt better.”

Bubba and his pal Earl were talking one day, and Earl asked Bubba, “Why, when you brag about fish you’ve caught, do you tell different people different sizes?”

Bubba answered, “I never like to tell someone a size I don’t think they’ll believe.”

Bubba was at his doctor’s office and during his examination, Bubba inquired, “Doc, how do you detect a mental deficiency in a patient who appears completely normal?”

“That is very easy,” the doctor replied. “You ask him a simple question, one that anyone should know the answer to. If he hesitates, that puts you on the right track.”

“What sort of question?” Bubba asked.

“Well, you could ask, ‘Captain Cook made three voyages around the world and died during one of them, which one?”

Bubba thought for a moment, and with a nervous laugh said, “You wouldn’t have another example would you? I don’t know much about history.”

Bubba and Earl were talking, and Bubba said, “Wow Earl, you’ll never believe what happened to me yesterday.”

Earl said, “Why don’t you tell me, and see if I believe it?”

“Carnella asked me if I would still love her if she was old, fat and ugly,” Bubba answered.

Earl replied, “I hope you just said, ‘Of course I will.’”

“I wish I had said that, but I told her, ‘Of course I do.”’

Bubba and Earl were eating lunch together one day and Earl said, “Bubba, my wife has started talking to herself a lot.”

Bubba said, “Carnella does too, but she doesn’t know it. She thinks I’m listening.”

Bubba was on his way home one evening and he thought, “Carnella is so sweet, I think I’ll get her some flowers.” He went to a flower shop, and the florist suggested he “say it with flowers” and attempted to sell him three dozen roses.

“Make it a half dozen” Bubba said, “I’m a man of few words.”


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