The Richmond Register

July 29, 2013

Eating can be an adventure, especially for seniors

By Dick Ham


I was just thinking the other day about what an adventure eating can be for seniors.

First of all, we try to eat things that are good for us. Then we eat out on occasion and that can really be an adventure.

An audience of seniors was attending a lecture by a health care expert. A part of her lecture included:

“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode our stomach lining. Some exotic foods are loaded with MSG. High-fat diets are disastrous. There are numerous germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all. Can anyone tell me which food causes the most grief and suffering for years?

After several seconds of silence, a 75 year old man raised his hand and softly said, “Wedding cake.”

 Many of us have discovered the “A” diet. It is designed to make us healthy and dictates that we eat only foods that begin with the letter “a,” a steak, a hamburger, a hotdog, a large order of French fries, a large ice cream sundae, etc.

When we were young, we came home at the end of a work day and asked, “What’s cooking?” Now we ask, “What’s thawing?”

We’ve also discovered the best way to lose weight. We eat all we want of everything we don’t like.

 An elderly couple noticed an advertisement in their local newspaper. A small diner was offering a special $2.99 breakfast. It was for two eggs, bacon, hash browns, gravy and a biscuit.

The husband said, “That sounds almost too good to be true, I think we need to try it.”

The wife agreed so they got up one morning and made their way to the diner.

The waitress came to their table and the wife told her she would like to have the $2.99 special, but she said, “I don’t like eggs so leave them off.

The waitress replied, “Then I’ll have to charge you $3.49.”

“Do you mean I must pay extra for not taking eggs?” the wife said.

“Yes, that means you are ordering a la carte and that is more expensive,” the waitress said.

“Alright, let me have the special as is,” the wife told her.

“How do you want your eggs?” The waitress asked.

“Raw and in the shell,” the wife explained.

She took the eggs home and used them to bake a cake.

Don’t mess with seniors! We’ve been around the block more than once.

Two old men were having breakfast at a diner. “I went out with Rachel last night,” one said.

“How’d that go?” The other asked.

“She made me feel like I was 17 again,” the first man said.

“Excited and full of love?” The other asked.

“No, totally ignored and home by nine.”

Something we’ve discovered. The older we get the harder it is to lose weight.

The reason is, our bodies and our fat have become good friends.

TRIVIA ANSWER – The country singer who has a parkway named for him in his hometown of Hendersonville, Tenn., is Johnny Cash. Nancie and I lived in Hendersonville for 16 years. During that time I got to know Johnny. We were members of the same church, and he did a benefit concert for our high school band.

TRIVIA QUESTION — On April 14, 1987, nearly 120,000 visited what branch of the Smithsonian, the one day record for any museum?

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY — Old Age: A socially acceptable excuse to call your friends by the wrong name — Dan Polydoris