The Richmond Register

Breaking News

Lifestyles & Community

July 29, 2013

Eating can be an adventure, especially for seniors


I was just thinking the other day about what an adventure eating can be for seniors.

First of all, we try to eat things that are good for us. Then we eat out on occasion and that can really be an adventure.

An audience of seniors was attending a lecture by a health care expert. A part of her lecture included:

“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode our stomach lining. Some exotic foods are loaded with MSG. High-fat diets are disastrous. There are numerous germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all. Can anyone tell me which food causes the most grief and suffering for years?

After several seconds of silence, a 75 year old man raised his hand and softly said, “Wedding cake.”

 Many of us have discovered the “A” diet. It is designed to make us healthy and dictates that we eat only foods that begin with the letter “a,” a steak, a hamburger, a hotdog, a large order of French fries, a large ice cream sundae, etc.

When we were young, we came home at the end of a work day and asked, “What’s cooking?” Now we ask, “What’s thawing?”

We’ve also discovered the best way to lose weight. We eat all we want of everything we don’t like.

 An elderly couple noticed an advertisement in their local newspaper. A small diner was offering a special $2.99 breakfast. It was for two eggs, bacon, hash browns, gravy and a biscuit.

The husband said, “That sounds almost too good to be true, I think we need to try it.”

The wife agreed so they got up one morning and made their way to the diner.

The waitress came to their table and the wife told her she would like to have the $2.99 special, but she said, “I don’t like eggs so leave them off.

The waitress replied, “Then I’ll have to charge you $3.49.”

“Do you mean I must pay extra for not taking eggs?” the wife said.

“Yes, that means you are ordering a la carte and that is more expensive,” the waitress said.

“Alright, let me have the special as is,” the wife told her.

“How do you want your eggs?” The waitress asked.

“Raw and in the shell,” the wife explained.

She took the eggs home and used them to bake a cake.

Don’t mess with seniors! We’ve been around the block more than once.

Two old men were having breakfast at a diner. “I went out with Rachel last night,” one said.

“How’d that go?” The other asked.

“She made me feel like I was 17 again,” the first man said.

“Excited and full of love?” The other asked.

“No, totally ignored and home by nine.”

Something we’ve discovered. The older we get the harder it is to lose weight.

The reason is, our bodies and our fat have become good friends.

Text Only
Lifestyles & Community
  • Bee on the lookout as beekeepers convene

    Summer vacation season is in full swing, and I had the pleasure of spending the last week and a half filling in at the Farm Store while the store manager, Bethany Pratt, got a welcome respite soaking up the beauty of Ireland.

    July 30, 2014

  • Amanda-Sears-c.jpg Cicada-killer wasps are here

    The extension office has received numerous phone calls over the past couple of weeks about large wasps hovering in yards all over the county.
    This insect is called the cicada killer, and despite its aggressive name, it is not something to be scared of.

    July 29, 2014 1 Photo

  • Brandon-Sears-c.jpg Converting from year-round calving to a controlled breeding season

    Maintaining a controlled breeding and calving season can be one of the most important management tools for cow-calf producers.
    Uniform, heavier and more valuable calves are key reasons to keep the breeding season short.

    July 29, 2014 1 Photo

  • 7-29 Nostalgia-Glenmore.jpg Paper boys learned life, business lessons

    I often flash back to the days from the mid to late 1930s when I was a paper boy.
    There were 10 or 12 of us who rolled out of bed at 5 a.m. every day, jumped on our bicycles and headed downtown to the Glyndon Hotel and picked up our papers for delivery.

    July 28, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick-Ham.jpg Here’s why teachers aren’t paid enough

    The following were included in last year’s exams and were answered by 16-year-old high school students. The answers are genuine, and we must remember that these youngsters will grow up to vote, marry and become parents. It’s a scary thought.

    July 28, 2014 1 Photo

  • 7-24 4-H Entries 1.jpg 4-H exhibits are family affair for the Houstons

    Five children from the same family were the first to bring their 4-H exhibits Wednesday to the Madison County Fairgrounds.

    July 24, 2014 5 Photos

  • 7-22 Band Camp 1.jpg Band students ‛take over’ MCHS campus

    The Madison Central High School campus has been “taken over” for two weeks by 170 students attending band camp.

    July 21, 2014 6 Photos

  • Dr-Jack-Rutherford.jpg Warning labels needed on energy drinks

    The popularity of energy drinks has soared since they entered the marketplace, but at least one consumer group wants the FDA to order warnings on product labels.

    July 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • Donna-Moberly.jpg Full Gospel ‛Back to School Bash’ is Aug. 2

    Hello everyone.
    I guess everyone is asking, “How much rain did we get?”

    July 17, 2014 1 Photo

  • Katie-Rollins.jpg Thank the Lord for the rain

    Hello readers, it’s a stormy Monday evening as I write this, and I’ve been thanking the Lord all day for the good rain – over an inch in the gauge now, and it looks like more before morning.

    July 17, 2014 1 Photo