The Richmond Register

October 30, 2012

Being old can be very difficult

By Dick Ham
Register Columnist

RICHMOND — I was just thinking the other day about how difficult it is for those of us who are old. We have a very hard time just surviving.

An elderly lady was speeding down the highway. A police officer stopped her, walked up to her car and requested her to show him her driver’s license. She replied, “I don’t have to have a license.”

The officer asked, “Why don’t you have to have a license?”

“I’m too old,” she replied.

“Lady, everyone who drives must have a driver’s license,” the officer said.

“My Doctor says I don’t need a license,” the lady said.

“I don’t understand why your doctor would tell you that, exactly what did he tell you? The patrolman asked.. “My doctor examined me, then asked for my driver’s License. I handed it to him, he took it and with his scissors cut it into small pieces and said, ‘You won’t need this anymore.’”

An old lady was getting ready to go to the grocery store. She couldn’t remember one item she had intended to get until she looked in the mirror. Then she said, “prunes!”

A distraught senior citizen called his doctor’s office. “Is it true,” he wanted to know, “the medication you prescribed for me must be taken for the rest of my life?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told him.

There was a long silence, then the man asked, “Then I’m wondering just how serious my condition is, because this prescription is marked, ‘NO REFILLS!’”

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery. He had insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. “Yes Dad, what is it?” The son asked. “Don’t be nervous son; just do your best but remember, if it doesn’t go well, your mother will come to live with you and your wife.”

We old folks are concerned with health issues. We try to eat properly, exercise, and do the things that will improve our lives and help us stay as strong and active as possible.

That brings up the following thoughts and questions:

1. If walking is good for your health, a postal service letter carriers would be immortal.

2. A whale swims all day,  eats only fish, (never fried) drinks only water, yet is awfully fat.

3. A rabbit runs and hops constantly and yet lives only 15 years.

4. A tortoise never runs, does almost nothing and lives for 450 years.

In spite of those things we are told we must exercise?

Many of us take a variety of medications, some prescribed and others from over the counter. We take vitamins, supplements, some in the form of pills, others are liquid, etc. With that in mind, think about the following:

A row of bottles on my shelf caused me to analyze myself.

One yellow pill I have to pop goes to my heart so it won’t stop.

A little white one that I take goes to my hands so they won’t shake.

The blue ones that I use a lot tell me I’m happy when I’m not.

The purple pill goes to my brain and tells me that I have no pain

Such an array of brilliant pills, helping to cure all kinds of ills.

But what I’d really like to know ... what tells each one just where to go.

Author unknown

Trivia answer

The city that is often called “The City of Brotherly Shove” because of it’s perceived rudeness, is New York City. Whether the rudeness is real or only imaginary is a matter of opinion.

Trivia question

Who was the first U.S. President to use the phrase, “this nation under God?”

Thought for the day

If you really want to lose weight, there are three things you must give up — breakfast, lunch and  dinner.