The Richmond Register

March 4, 2013

Children’s perceptions are often funny

Just Thinking

By Dick Ham
Register Columnist

RICHMOND — I was just thinking the other day about children and the humorous perceptions they have about things.

Although they may not be accurate, they are often understandable.

I have collected so many of these I may decide to do two columns on this same subject.

These are often related to school and very often related to church.

Bobby told his parents he knew exactly what kind of car Jesus would have driven. He said it would be a van that seats 12 and could tow a boat.

Emily went to church with her grandmother. Before they left home, Granny gave her $1 to put in the offering. When the plate was passed, Emily didn’t give the money. Granny asked why and Emily said, “My daddy says you don’t have to tip if you don’t get good service.”

Tricia, age 10, wrote the following letter. Dear God, “When exactly will hell freeze over? My daddy said that’s when I’ll get my pony.”

As his family was leaving church, Billy told the pastor, “When I grow up and get a job, I’ll give you some money. My daddy says you are the poorest preacher we’ve ever had.”

In her Sunday school class, Angela was asked if she’d like to go to heaven. She answered, “Yes, because my little brother won‘t be there.”

A Sunday school teacher was nervous about an upcoming lesson on hell because she feared it would scare the 9- and 10-year-old students. She began, “Today we are going to learn about hell. What do you know about it?”

After several moments of silence, Paul raised his hand. “Yes, Paul tell us about it,” the teacher said. Paul replied, “I don’t know where it is, but my mom is always telling my dad he should go there.”

The pastor of a church was preparing to leave on a mission trip. He sat his children down and talked to them about the kind of behavior he expected from them while he was away. One point he stressed was that they were all to sleep in their own beds and not sneak into bed with their mothers as they had a habit of doing.

When he returned from his trip, he went directly to the church before going to their home and his family met him there. The children ran up to him, where he was standing in the midst of a group of church members and said, “Daddy, you will be so happy. No one slept with mommy while you were gone.”

Watching elementary school pupil Willy making faces at the other kids, Miss Betsy stopped the lesson and said, “Willy, when I was your age, I was told that if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze that way.” Willy looked up and replied innocently, “Well, Miss Betsy, you can’t say you were not warned.”

A kindergarten teacher was attempting to teach her children the difference between right and wrong. “All right, children, let’s take an example. If I were to go into a man’s pocket and take his billfold with all his money what would I be?”

Little Harold lifted his hand, and with a confident smile he said, “You’d be his wife.

Trivia answer

The winningest football coach in the history of Eastern Kentucky University is my good friend, Roy Kidd.

Trivia question

Who compiled “A Pictorial History of Scott County Kentucky As Told by Its Buildings?”

Thought for the day

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened ... Winston Churchill