The Richmond Register

July 15, 2013

Do you enjoy blonde stories?

By Dick Ham
Columnist

RICHMOND —

I was just thinking the other day about blondes. I know that doesn’t surprise anyone who reads this column on a regular basis.

I honestly believe the columns my readers enjoy most are the ones about blondes. I’ve been amazed at the number of readers who’ve asked, “When will we see another blonde column?”

A blonde had a problem with her computer and called a tech support person for assistance.

She told him she couldn’t print yellow. All other colors worked just fine.

He had her change the color print cartridge, and she told him she still couldn’t get it to print yellow. After nearly two hours of assistance over the phone, he considered having her send it in for repair. She then asked, “Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?”

A blonde was a new employee at a firm and she called the help desk and told them she was having a problem with her password.

It seemed to be unusual because every time she typed the password, stars would show up on the monitor rather than the letters she was using. The help desk technician told her those were to protect her in case someone was looking over her shoulder and trying to learn her password.

“Yeah” she said, “but they show up even when no one is standing behind me.”

A blonde took her goldfish to a veterinarian. The vet looked at the fish and said, “ It looks OK to me.” The blonde insisted she believed the fish was suffering from epilepsy.

The Vet said, “It seems calm enough to me, why do you say that?” The blonde answered, “Wait, I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet.”

A blonde arrived home from work one afternoon and as she stepped up to her door, she noticed a very large envelope lying in front of the door. The words “DO NOT BEND” were prominently displayed on it.

She spent the next two hours attempting to figure out how to pick it up.

A blonde and her husband were making plans for Christmas. The husband said, “Christmas is on Friday this year.” The blonde then said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”

Some tourists were visiting the Chicago Museum of Natural History. One of then asked the blonde guide, “How old are these dinosaur bones?” The blonde guide answered, “They are three million, four years and six months old.”

“That’s an awfully exact number,” said the tourist. “How do you know their age so precisely?”

The blonde answered, “The dinosaur bones were four million years old when I came to work here, and that was four and a half years ago.”

A blonde was in the bathroom and about to use shampoo she had never used before. She yelled to her husband, “I don’t know what to do with this new shampoo. It says it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.”

A man went into an ice cream shop and asked the blonde lady what flavors they had.

She replied, “Vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.” She wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.

“Do you have laryngitis?” The young man asked sympathetically. “Nope” she whispered, “Just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.”



TRIVIA ANSWER

In 1795, two new stars and stripes were added to the original U.S. flag. They were for new states, Vermont, and our own state of Kentucky.



TRIVIA QUESTION

Many of you will remember the comedian Will Rogers. Who was he named for?



THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Some people succeed because they are destined to, but most people succeed because they are determined to. — Roscoe Dunjee