The Richmond Register

Lifestyles & Community

July 15, 2013

Do you enjoy blonde stories?

RICHMOND —

I was just thinking the other day about blondes. I know that doesn’t surprise anyone who reads this column on a regular basis.

I honestly believe the columns my readers enjoy most are the ones about blondes. I’ve been amazed at the number of readers who’ve asked, “When will we see another blonde column?”

A blonde had a problem with her computer and called a tech support person for assistance.

She told him she couldn’t print yellow. All other colors worked just fine.

He had her change the color print cartridge, and she told him she still couldn’t get it to print yellow. After nearly two hours of assistance over the phone, he considered having her send it in for repair. She then asked, “Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?”

A blonde was a new employee at a firm and she called the help desk and told them she was having a problem with her password.

It seemed to be unusual because every time she typed the password, stars would show up on the monitor rather than the letters she was using. The help desk technician told her those were to protect her in case someone was looking over her shoulder and trying to learn her password.

“Yeah” she said, “but they show up even when no one is standing behind me.”

A blonde took her goldfish to a veterinarian. The vet looked at the fish and said, “ It looks OK to me.” The blonde insisted she believed the fish was suffering from epilepsy.

The Vet said, “It seems calm enough to me, why do you say that?” The blonde answered, “Wait, I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet.”

A blonde arrived home from work one afternoon and as she stepped up to her door, she noticed a very large envelope lying in front of the door. The words “DO NOT BEND” were prominently displayed on it.

She spent the next two hours attempting to figure out how to pick it up.

A blonde and her husband were making plans for Christmas. The husband said, “Christmas is on Friday this year.” The blonde then said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”

Some tourists were visiting the Chicago Museum of Natural History. One of then asked the blonde guide, “How old are these dinosaur bones?” The blonde guide answered, “They are three million, four years and six months old.”

“That’s an awfully exact number,” said the tourist. “How do you know their age so precisely?”

The blonde answered, “The dinosaur bones were four million years old when I came to work here, and that was four and a half years ago.”

A blonde was in the bathroom and about to use shampoo she had never used before. She yelled to her husband, “I don’t know what to do with this new shampoo. It says it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.”

A man went into an ice cream shop and asked the blonde lady what flavors they had.

She replied, “Vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.” She wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.

“Do you have laryngitis?” The young man asked sympathetically. “Nope” she whispered, “Just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.”

TRIVIA ANSWER

In 1795, two new stars and stripes were added to the original U.S. flag. They were for new states, Vermont, and our own state of Kentucky.

TRIVIA QUESTION

Many of you will remember the comedian Will Rogers. Who was he named for?

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Some people succeed because they are destined to, but most people succeed because they are determined to. — Roscoe Dunjee

 

1
Text Only
Lifestyles & Community
  • 7-29 Nostalgia-Glenmore.jpg Paper boys learned life, business lessons

    I often flash back to the days from the mid to late 1930s when I was a paper boy.
    There were 10 or 12 of us who rolled out of bed at 5 a.m. every day, jumped on our bicycles and headed downtown to the Glyndon Hotel and picked up our papers for delivery.

    July 28, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick-Ham.jpg Here’s why teachers aren’t paid enough

    The following were included in last year’s exams and were answered by 16-year-old high school students. The answers are genuine, and we must remember that these youngsters will grow up to vote, marry and become parents. It’s a scary thought.

    July 28, 2014 1 Photo

  • 7-24 4-H Entries 1.jpg 4-H exhibits are family affair for the Houstons

    Five children from the same family were the first to bring their 4-H exhibits Wednesday to the Madison County Fairgrounds.

    July 24, 2014 5 Photos

  • 7-22 Band Camp 1.jpg Band students ‛take over’ MCHS campus

    The Madison Central High School campus has been “taken over” for two weeks by 170 students attending band camp.

    July 21, 2014 6 Photos

  • Dr-Jack-Rutherford.jpg Warning labels needed on energy drinks

    The popularity of energy drinks has soared since they entered the marketplace, but at least one consumer group wants the FDA to order warnings on product labels.

    July 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • Donna-Moberly.jpg Full Gospel ‛Back to School Bash’ is Aug. 2

    Hello everyone.
    I guess everyone is asking, “How much rain did we get?”

    July 17, 2014 1 Photo

  • Katie-Rollins.jpg Thank the Lord for the rain

    Hello readers, it’s a stormy Monday evening as I write this, and I’ve been thanking the Lord all day for the good rain – over an inch in the gauge now, and it looks like more before morning.

    July 17, 2014 1 Photo

  • Paula-Jones-c.jpg Rain has helped lawns, gardens

    Hello from Baldwin.
    How is everyone’s week going? I hope everyone is having a great one.

    July 17, 2014 1 Photo

  • Can you believe such cool weather in mid July?

    Hi!
    Refreshing. That’s the word one TV weatherman described the upcoming days when temperatures will be in the 70s with virtually no humidity and lots of sunshine. Can you believe that in the middle of July? We can live with that, can’t we? We may even get close to setting a record for morning lows later this week. This has certainly been the year for strange weather!
     

    July 17, 2014

  • Tim-Jones.jpg Union City Baptist VBS July 20-25

    Union City Baptist Church will have vacation Bible school July 20-25, 6 to 9 p.m., with classes from age 3 through high school. The theme is “Agency D3 Needs You.” Contact Brenda Parke, or call the church at 623-2845 for more information.

    July 17, 2014 1 Photo

AP Video
Raw: 2 Shells Hit Fuel Tank at Gaza Power Plant Raw: Massive Explosions From Airstrikes in Gaza Giant Ketchup Bottle Water Tower Up for Sale Easier Nuclear Construction Promises Fall Short Kerry: Humanitarian Cease-fire Efforts Continue Raw: Corruption Trial Begins for Former Va Gov. The Carbon Trap: US Exports Global Warming UN Security Council Calls for Gaza Cease-fire Traditional African Dishes Teach Healthy Eating 13 Struck by Lightning on Calif. Beach Baseball Hall of Famers Inducted Israel, Hamas Trade Fire Despite Truce in Gaza Italy's Nibali Set to Win First Tour De France Raw: Shipwrecked Concordia Completes Last Voyage Raw: Sea Turtle Hatchlings Emerge From Nest Raw: Massive Dust Storm Covers Phoenix 12-hour Cease-fire in Gaza Fighting Begins Raw: Bolivian Dancers Attempt to Break Record Raw: Israel, Palestine Supporters Rally in US Raw: Air Algerie Flight 5017 Wreckage
Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide
Poll

Should Madison County’s three local governing bodies ban smoking in indoor public places?

Yes
No
     View Results