The Richmond Register

May 14, 2013

Things my mother taught me


By Dick Ham
Register Columnist

RICHMOND — I was just thinking the other day about the fact that we celebrated Mothers’ Day last Sunday.

This is the one day every year that is set aside to honor those precious women who brought us into the world, gave us unconditional love and taught us right from wrong.

My precious mother was the 10th of 11 children, the offspring of a western Kentucky country preacher.

It was a family that overflowed with musical talent, and Mom may have been the most talented one of all.

All the musical training she had was when she was in the fourth grade and went to Louisville for a year to live with an older sister.

The sister provided her with a year of piano lessons. She had a beautiful voice that sounded as if she had studied voice although she never had vocal training. She could hear something one time and could play it on the piano. She was the choir director in our church for several years when I was in elementary school.  

My Mother taught me logic: “If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me.”

She taught me medicine: “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to freeze that way.”

Mother taught me ESP: “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’re cold?”

She taught me how to meet a challenge: “Where’s your brother and don’t talk with food in your mouth. Now answer me.”

Mother taught me about consequences: “You’re grounded and that is what is best for you. You’ll thank me one day.”

She taught me to appreciate a job well done: “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

She taught me religion: “You had better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

She taught me about time travel: “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week.”

Mother taught me irrefutable logic: “Because, I said so, that’s why.”

Another thing she taught was foresight: “Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you’re in an accident."

The circle of life was another of her lessons: “ I brought you into this world and I can take you out.”

She taught me about genetics: “You are just like your father.”

One of the favorite things she taught me was about justice: “One of these days you’ll have kids of your own, and I hope they turn out just like you.”

Another favorite was about choice: “Do you want me to stop this car?”

My precious little mother passed away on April 11, 2006, just one day after her 91st birthday.

I miss her and wish I could tell her how much I love and appreciate her. One day I’ll see her again.

Trivia answer

The park near the Okefenokee Swamp is named for Stephen Foster. The Suwanee River, made famous by his song, “Swanee River” is nearby.

Trivia question

Horse breeding is associated with what special type of grass?

Thought for the day

Mother also taught: “Red meat is not bad for you, fuzzy green meat is bad for you.”