The Richmond Register

February 25, 2013

We old folks must watch our diets

By Dick Ham
Register Columnist

RICHMOND — I was just thinking the other day about how difficult it is for those of us who are elderly to eat properly, to eat only what is healthy for us.

We are told to carefully read labels. We must see about the fat content in the foods we eat, and there are so many kinds of fat it keeps us confused.

We must check for sugar and for sodium. We need to know what, if any vitamins are contained.

As I’ve said before, our government demands food processors to accurately label the things they produce. It seems to me that anything that is fat free, low-fat, lite, sugar-free, low-salt, low-sodium, salt-free or sodium-free should also be required to add to the label, “Doesn’t taste good.”

When considering your diet, here are some things you need to be aware of.

1.If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you eat a candy bar and drink a diet soda with it, the soda cancels out the candy calories.

3. The calories in food used for medical purposes never counts. That would include hot chocolate and cheesecake, etc.

4. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie drainage.

5. Things that are licked off spoons and knives have no calories when you are preparing something. Examples are: peanut butter on a knife when preparing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or ice cream on a spoon when preparing a sundae.

6. Foods of the same color have the same number of calories. For example, spinach and pistachio ice cream, or cottage cheese and banana cream pie.

For health reasons, we are told to avoid stress, but it has been proven that strict diets cause a great deal of stress.

An elderly man was riding his motorcycle along a California beach. Suddenly the sky above his head opened, and in a booming voice God said, “Because you have been faithful to me, I will grant you one wish.” The biker pulled over, thought for a few moments and answered, “Please build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I would like to.”

God replied, “That is a very materialistic request; think of the enormous challenges that would present. Supports to the ocean floor and all the concrete and steel that would require. Ask me for something that would benefit mankind.”

The biker thought about it and then said, “God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I’d like to know how my wife feels inside, why she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing is wrong, why she complains when I try to help. How can I make her happy?”

God replied, “How many lanes would you like to have on the bridge, two or four?”

Trivia answer

Durham, N.C., the home of Duke University, was once known as “Tobacco Town.” The Duke family, wealthy tobacco farmers, gave millions of dollars to the university.

Trivia question

In the history of Eastern Kentucky University football, who is the head coach who had the greatest number of wins?

Thought for the day

It’s a good morning for kids when they wake up early and watch cartoons. It’s a good morning for teens when they wake up in the middle of the afternoon. It’s a good morning for adults when they wake up and realize it’s Saturday. It’s a good morning for old folks when they wake up.