The Richmond Register

Lifestyles & Community

April 22, 2013

Old husbands can be a sorry lot

Just Thinking

RICHMOND — I was just thinking the other day and remembering the Blondie comic strip and seeing Dagwood after a losing discussion with Blondie.

Dagwood would put his left arm on a table, lay his head on that arm, and pound the table with his right fist, while saying, “Husbands are a sorry lot.”

Those of us who are husbands identify with that, and it only gets worse as we grow older.

A police officer pulled over a speeding car. The officer said, “I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.”

The driver, a 75 year old man said, “Gee, officer, I had my cruise control set at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.”

The man’s wife, sitting alongside him, did not look up from her knitting but said, “Now don’t be silly dear, you know this car doesn’t have cruise control.”

As the officer was writing the ticket, the driver looked at his wife and growled, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?”

The wife smiled and replied, “Well dear, you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or you would have been going even faster.”

The officer began to make out a second ticket for the illegal radar detector and the man once again growled at his wife and said, “Woman, keep your mouth shut.”

The officer then frowned and said, “Sir, I also notice you are not wearing your seatbelt. That is an automatic fine.”

The man answered, “Well, you see officer, I had it on but I had to take it off to get my driver’s license out of my back pocket.”

The wife then said, “Now dear, you know very well you didn’t have your seatbelt on. You never wear it when you’re driving.”

As the officer was writing out the third ticket, the man turned to his wife and yelled, “Will you please shut up?”

The officer looked over at the wife and asked, “Does your husband always talk that way to you?”

She answered, “Only when he’s been drinking.”

One morning, just after awaking, an elderly lady said to her husband, “I had a dream that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s Day. What do you think that means?”

“You’ll know tonight,” he said.

He came home that evening and presented her with a small package. She was so delighted, but when she opened it she found a book entitled, “The Meaning of Dreams.”

On the way home from their 50th wedding anniversary celebration, the wife noticed a tear in her husband’s eye. She asked if he was getting sentimental about their 50 wonderful years together.

He replied, “No, not really. I was remembering the time right before we got married when your father threatened me with a shotgun. He caught me kissing you, you were 17 and I had just turned 18.

He told me he’d have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn’t marry you. He scared me half to death, so of course I married you.

I was just thinking … tomorrow I would’ve been a free man.”

TRIVIA ANSWER – Jimmy Durante signed off with “Good night Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.”

TRIVIA QUESTION – Taos, New Mexico, has the home and grave of what noted pioneer and scout?

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY – The grass may be greener on the other side, but both sides still need to be mowed.

Text Only
Lifestyles & Community
  • Brandon-Sears-c.jpg Beef Cattle Association field day is Thursday

    Make plans to attend the Madison County Beef Cattle Association field day on Thursday from 5 to 7:30 p.m. The event will take place at the farm of Dr. Eugene Bowling, 1437 Barnes Mill Road in Richmond. Signs will be posted.
    This meeting qualifies as a CAIP educational component.

    April 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • 04.23 JessaTurner1.jpg Eat local and eat with the seasons

    This week marks the 44th anniversary of Earth Day, and what could be more important to our survival than clean air, clean water and clean food?

    April 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • Amanda-Sears-c.jpg Proper care enables planting of Easter lilies

    Did you receive or purchase an Easter lily? If so, be sure to treat it right and you will be able to plant it outside this spring.

    April 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • Lisa Adams.jpg 4-H Camping Season Nears

    Hopefully, we have seen the last of the snow for the year, so now is the time for young people and their parents to begin making plans for an annual summer ritual, 4-H Camp.

    April 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick-Ham.jpg These things cause me concern for the future

    I was just thinking the other day about things that are happening in this country that do not bode well for the future.

    April 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • WP_20140419_001.jpg Cruisin’ with the Oldies

    With the sound of classic songs wafting through the air Saturday, hundreds of people took advantage of the summer-like temperatures and turned out for the Kirksville Community Center car show.

    April 21, 2014 9 Photos

  • 04.18 Food .jpg It’s egg party time

    I love this time of the year because eggs really do go down in price during the Easter season. I have some new recipes on how to fix eggs besides the coloring part.

    April 18, 2014 2 Photos

  • 04.18 Steaks.jpg Where’s the beef?

    Today, the American consumer has more money to spend on the widest variety of foods than at any other time in our history.

    April 18, 2014 2 Photos

  • 4.15 Eggstravaganza 1.jpg Easter bunny's ‛eggbeater’ will fly eggs to Richmond

    Who knew the Easter bunny could fly?

    Skeptics can come to the Easter Eggstravaganza in Richmond’s Irvine-McDowell Park on Saturday to see for themselves. However, the bunny still doesn’t fly in bad weather. But on Monday, temperatures in the 60s with partly cloudy skies were predicted for Saturday.

    April 14, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick-Ham.jpg We old folks have unique experiences

    A friend sent this to me by e-mail, and I thought my readers would enjoy it.

    April 14, 2014 1 Photo

AP Video
Bon Jovi Helps Open Low-income Housing in Philly Pipeline Opponents Protest on National Mall Hagel Gets Preview of New High-tech Projects S.C. Man Apologizes for Naked Walk in Wal-Mart New Country Music Hall of Fame Inductees Named 'Piles' of Bodies in South Sudan Slaughter New Yorkers Celebrate Cherry Blossom Blooms SCOTUS Hears Tv-over-Internet Case Justice Dept. Broadening Criteria for Clemency Chief Mate: Crew Told to Escape After Passengers 'Miss Meadows' Takes Holmes Back to Her Roots Biden: Russia Must Stop Talking, Start Acting David Moyes Out As Manchester United Manager Raw: Leopard Bites Man in India Iowa College Finds Beauty in Bulldogs High Court to Hear Dispute of TV Over Internet Stowaway Teen Forces Review of Airport Security
Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide

Should Richmond rezone the southwest corner of Main Street and Tates Creek Avenue to B-1 (Neighborhood Business) with restrictions to allow construction of a financial services office?

     View Results