The Richmond Register

July 22, 2013

We old folks are funny


RICHMOND — I was just thinking the other day about funny experiences we old folks have. Perhaps the reason is I recently had a birthday.

An elderly lady asked the clerk in a card shop if get-well cards are returnable.

“Why would you want to return it?” asked the clerk.  The lady explained, “I won’t need to send it if my husband remembers our anniversary.”

One afternoon a group of elderly men were in the park playing croquet. George was enjoying himself when his cell phone rang. It was an irate call from his wife.  

“Oh, rats guys, I have to go home. How was I supposed to know that when Vera said we should celebrate our 55th anniversary tonight she meant we should go out together?”

An elderly couple were out driving one day. They got into a disagreement and things became very quiet. Neither of them wanted to give in. As they passed a barnyard full of mules, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”

“Yep,” the wife retorted. “In-laws.”

An elderly farmer was dying. He called his wife to his bedside and said to her: “I want this last request, I want you to promise that when I’m gone you’ll marry Clyde Davis.”

“Why would I do that?” she asked.

“Please promise me you will,” the dying man pleaded.

“But why?” the wife asked again, very suspiciously.

“He always cheated me in our dealings through the years, and this is my final chance to get even with him.”

Two old men were sitting on a park bench.

“I went to see my doctor the other day,” one of the men said.

“Yeah, how did that go?” the other asked.

“The usual nonsense, but I love his waiting room. It makes me feel so young.”

“Why’s that?” the other inquired.

“The magazines are older than I am.”

Jack and Barbara had been retired for more than a decade. They decided to consider moving into a retirement community. They considered several but most did not please them. When they finally found one they thought they’d like, Barbara asked, “Well, how about it, do you want to take the plunge and move in?”

Jack replied glumly, “I don’t think we can afford the place.”

Barbara disagreed and said, “It seems to be well within our budget, it is quite reasonable.”

“Did you read the fine print? There are hidden costs,” Jack countered.

“What on earth do you mean?” Barbara asked.

Jack waved the brochure in her face. “It says right here: ‘You’ll never have a free moment.’”

An elderly woman told her husband now that she’s retired she’d like to learn to play the piano. He took her to a piano store and the woman complained, “These pianos are terribly expensive.”

Don’t worry,” the husband replied, “we’ll pay for it by selling my hearing aid.”

“Don’t you need the hearing aid?” she inquired.

Smiling, the husband answered, “Not if you will be learning to play the piano.”

      TRIVIA ANSWER-The comedian Will Rogers was named for the Quaker colonizer William Penn. He was the founder of Pennsylvania. Will Rogers full name was; William Penn Adair Rogers.

TRIVIA QUESTION – What country singer has a parkway named for him in his hometown of Hendersonville, Tenn.?

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY – In the beginning, God created chocolate, and he saw that it was good. Then he separated the light from the dark, and it was even better.