The Richmond Register

Lifestyles & Community

July 22, 2013

We old folks are funny

RICHMOND — I was just thinking the other day about funny experiences we old folks have. Perhaps the reason is I recently had a birthday.

An elderly lady asked the clerk in a card shop if get-well cards are returnable.

“Why would you want to return it?” asked the clerk.  The lady explained, “I won’t need to send it if my husband remembers our anniversary.”

One afternoon a group of elderly men were in the park playing croquet. George was enjoying himself when his cell phone rang. It was an irate call from his wife.  

“Oh, rats guys, I have to go home. How was I supposed to know that when Vera said we should celebrate our 55th anniversary tonight she meant we should go out together?”

An elderly couple were out driving one day. They got into a disagreement and things became very quiet. Neither of them wanted to give in. As they passed a barnyard full of mules, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”

“Yep,” the wife retorted. “In-laws.”

An elderly farmer was dying. He called his wife to his bedside and said to her: “I want this last request, I want you to promise that when I’m gone you’ll marry Clyde Davis.”

“Why would I do that?” she asked.

“Please promise me you will,” the dying man pleaded.

“But why?” the wife asked again, very suspiciously.

“He always cheated me in our dealings through the years, and this is my final chance to get even with him.”

Two old men were sitting on a park bench.

“I went to see my doctor the other day,” one of the men said.

“Yeah, how did that go?” the other asked.

“The usual nonsense, but I love his waiting room. It makes me feel so young.”

“Why’s that?” the other inquired.

“The magazines are older than I am.”

Jack and Barbara had been retired for more than a decade. They decided to consider moving into a retirement community. They considered several but most did not please them. When they finally found one they thought they’d like, Barbara asked, “Well, how about it, do you want to take the plunge and move in?”

Jack replied glumly, “I don’t think we can afford the place.”

Barbara disagreed and said, “It seems to be well within our budget, it is quite reasonable.”

“Did you read the fine print? There are hidden costs,” Jack countered.

“What on earth do you mean?” Barbara asked.

Jack waved the brochure in her face. “It says right here: ‘You’ll never have a free moment.’”

An elderly woman told her husband now that she’s retired she’d like to learn to play the piano. He took her to a piano store and the woman complained, “These pianos are terribly expensive.”

Don’t worry,” the husband replied, “we’ll pay for it by selling my hearing aid.”

“Don’t you need the hearing aid?” she inquired.

Smiling, the husband answered, “Not if you will be learning to play the piano.”

Text Only
Lifestyles & Community
  • 04.18 Food .jpg It’s egg party time

    I love this time of the year because eggs really do go down in price during the Easter season. I have some new recipes on how to fix eggs besides the coloring part.

    April 18, 2014 2 Photos

  • 04.18 Steaks.jpg Where’s the beef?

    Today, the American consumer has more money to spend on the widest variety of foods than at any other time in our history.

    April 18, 2014 2 Photos

  • 4.15 Eggstravaganza 1.jpg Easter bunny's ‛eggbeater’ will fly eggs to Richmond

    Who knew the Easter bunny could fly?

    Skeptics can come to the Easter Eggstravaganza in Richmond’s Irvine-McDowell Park on Saturday to see for themselves. However, the bunny still doesn’t fly in bad weather. But on Monday, temperatures in the 60s with partly cloudy skies were predicted for Saturday.

    April 14, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick-Ham.jpg We old folks have unique experiences

    A friend sent this to me by e-mail, and I thought my readers would enjoy it.

    April 14, 2014 1 Photo

  • Hope’s Wings volunteers need your help today

    Help a local resident “get out of jail,” and in turn help men, women and children break the cycle of domestic violence in Madison and surrounding counties.

    April 11, 2014

  • 4-11 FosterParentYear.jpg Bereans named Foster Parents of Year, Outstanding Adoptive Parent

    Stephanie and Doug Gillum of Berea will be honored as Foster Parents of the Year tonight during an appreciation reception at the Kentucky Horse Park.

    April 10, 2014 2 Photos

  • 4-11 PuppetryFILE.jpg Puppet parade planned Saturday in Berea

    The city of Berea will be celebrating Puppets in the Park on Saturday as part of the National Day of Puppetry.

    April 10, 2014 1 Photo

  • Animal group seeks volunteers to assist with spay/neuter clinic

    The Madison County Humane Society/Animal League for Life is reaching out to the community for help with its low-cost spay and neuter clinic.
    The clinic, which operates at the HS/ALL adoption center at 128-C Big Hill Avenue, has spayed or neutered more than 2,000 dogs and cats since it opened in July 2012, according to volunteer Lynn Grove.

    April 3, 2014

  • State funding to help keep domestic violence shelter open

    Money for Madison County domestic violence intervention in the recently passed $20 billion state budget will be used to keep the Hope’s Wings shelter open.
    The budget bill now awaits the governor’s signature.

    April 2, 2014

  • 3-29 PetsofWeek1.jpg Pets of the Week

    This week's cat is Jett, a neutered and front declawed 5-year-old male.

    This week's dog is Ace, a 2-year-old male Chihuahua mix.

    March 29, 2014 2 Photos

AP Video
Captain of Sunken SKorean Ferry Arrested Raw: Fire Destroys 3 N.J. Beachfront Homes Raw: Pope Presides Over Good Friday Mass Raw: Space X Launches to Space Station Superheroes Descend on Capitol Mall Man Charged in Kansas City Highway Shootings Obama Awards Navy Football Trophy Anti-semitic Leaflets Posted in Eastern Ukraine Raw: Magnitude-7.2 Earthquake Shakes Mexico City Ceremony at MIT Remembers One of Boston's Finest Raw: Students Hurt in Colo. School Bus Crash Raw: Church Tries for Record With Chalk Jesus Raw: Faithful Celebrate Good Friday Worldwide Deadly Avalanche Sweeps Slopes of Mount Everest Police Arrest Suspect in Highway Shootings Drought Concerns May Hurt Lake Tourism Vermont Goat Meat Gives Refugees Taste of Home Calif. Investigators Re-construct Fatal Bus Cras Mayor Rob Ford Launches Re-election Campaign Appellate Court Hears Okla. Gay Marriage Case
Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide
Poll

Should the Richmond City Commission stop rezoning property to allow construction of apartments?

Yes.
No
     View Results