The Richmond Register

January 7, 2014

I remember these orders from Mom

By Dick Ham


I was just thinking the other day about the beginning of the year 2014.

I wonder how many of you think the way I do. Instead of wondering or trying to predict what the New Year will bring, I tend to look back and remember how things used to be.

How many of you remember things such as this that your Mom ordered?

Be sure to fill the ice trays, we’re going to have company.

Watch for the postman, I want to get this letter to Willie in the mail today.

Quit slamming the screen door.

Be sure to pull the windows down when you leave. It looks like we may get a rain shower.

Don’t forget to wind the clock before you go to bed.

Wash your feet before you go to bed. You’ve played outside all day barefooted.

Why can’t you remember to roll up your  britches legs? You’re getting them caught in the bicycle chain and tearing them up.

You’ve torn the knees out of those pants so many times there’s nothing left to put a patch on.

Don’t you dare go out to play in your school clothes.

Comb your hair. It looks like rats have nested in it.

When you open the new bottle of milk, be sure to pour off the cream.

Take that empty bottle to the store when you go so you won’t have to pay a deposit on another one.

Put a dish towel over the cake so the flies can’t get on it.

Get a dollar out of my purse and get five gallons of gas when you go to town.

It’s getting hot in here. Open the back door and see if we can get a breeze through here.

Be sure to fill the lamps with oil so we won’t have to do it later in the dark.

Take this old Sears & Roebuck catalog to the toilet. We’re almost out of paper out there.

Don’t turn the radio on now. I want the battery to be up for the Grand Ole Opry.

Quit crossing your eyes! They’ll get stuck that way.

Soak your foot in this pan of kerosene so that cut won’t get infected.

It’s ‘yes ma’am!’ and ‘no ma’am!’ to me, young man, and don’t you forget it!’

Y’all come back now, ya hear.

I truly regret that some of you are too young to share these memories.

These things are from the good old days!


Kentucky’s first constitution limited suffrage to white males ages 21 and older.


Held each year in Lexington, what is the largest theatrical event in central Kentucky?


Our Creator would never have made such lovely days, and have given us the deep hearts to enjoy them, above and beyond all thought, unless we were meant to be immortal.

— Nathaniel Hawthorne