The Richmond Register

April 15, 2013

How do penguins bid farewell to their dear departed?

Just Thinking

By Dick Ham
Register Columnist

RICHMOND — I was just thinking the other day about how we all enjoy things that entertain us, especially when they are funny.

See if these entertain you, they certainly did entertain me.

A blonde wife had been out one evening and when she returned home, she opened the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she saw four legs instead of two.

She immediately reached for a baseball bat her husband kept in the closet and began hitting the blanket as hard as she could. She finished and went into the kitchen to get a cup of hot chocolate.

When she entered the kitchen she saw her husband there, reading a magazine. “Hi Darling,” he said, “Your parents have come for a visit so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello to them?”

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they go? Wonder no more!

The penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

When a penguin is found dead on the surface of the ice, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into it and to be buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing –

“Freeze a jolly good fellow. Freeze a jolly good fellow.”

Now, you really didn’t believe I know anything about penguins did you? It is so easy to fool old people. An urge just came over me and made me do it!

Stop whining, I fell for it too.

During a visit to my doctor, he asked me if any members of my family suffered from insanity. I replied, “No we all seem to enjoy it.”

An Irish priest was transferred from his homeland to Texas. Father O’Malley rose form his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day and he walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day. He noticed there was a jackass lying dead in his front lawn. He called the local police station. The conversation went like this:

“Good morning. This is Sgt. Jones. How may I help you?”

“And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O’Malley at St. Ann’s Church. There is a dead jackass on my front lawn, would ye be so kind as to send yer lads to take care of it?”

Sgt. Jones considered himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the accent, thought he’d have fun with the father. He replied, “Father, it has always been my impression that you people took care of the last rites!”

There was dead silence on the line, then Father O’Malley replied, “Aye, ‘tis certainly true; but we are obliged to notify the next of kin, which is the reason for me call.”

TRIVIA ANSWER –

The state of Tennessee earned the name Volunteer State because it sent so many to fight in the War of 1812.

TRIVIA QUESTION —

What well known comic always ended his performances by saying, “Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are”?

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY –

They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.