The Richmond Register

Lifestyles & Community

July 14, 2014

Kids and church can lead to funny situations

RICHMOND — I was just thinking the other day about the funny stories I’ve collected about children and church. I believe many grandparents will recognize some similarities to their own grandchildren.

Billy and Bobby’s dad decided they were old enough to try fly fishing, so they spent a Saturday afternoon tying flies. Billy was fascinated by the process and said, “I wonder who invented fly fishing.”

“That’s easy,” said Bobby, “It was Noah. “How else could he feed all those animals on the ark without using the two worms?”

The store manager watched as little Wally wrote something with a crayon on a candy bar and put it in his pocket. He immediately grabbed the boy and made him empty his pockets. Sure enough there was the candy bar with the word “TRUTH” written in crayon across the label.

“Where did you learn how to shoplift like this?” The manager demanded to know.

“My preacher said it was okay as long as I wrote that word on it,” Wally sniffled, “He said the truth shall make you free.”

A pastor’s wife asked little Linda if she had a boyfriend. Linda replied, “Nope, I’m like Jesus. I love them all.”

“My dad is like Jacob,” Kelly told her Sunday school teacher. “He did the laundry while mom was sick, and now I have a coat of many colors.”


Tina was having difficulty understanding the Lord’s prayer and a worship song.

“Give us this day our deli bread,” she prayed. “Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Whole East Coast,” she sang.

Dear God, “Are butterflies reminders that angels are among us?” Diane, age 6.

Dear God, “If we come back as something, please don’t let me come back as Donna, because I hate her. Dennis age 5.

Dear God, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class.

Carla, age 8.

Dear God, “I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions.” Patrick, age 7.

Dear God, “You don’t have to worry about me, I always look both ways.” Melanie, age 7.

Dear God, “My brother told me about being born, but it doesn’t sound right. They are just kidding, aren’t they?” Marsha, age 9.

Dear God, “Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that, or was it just an accident?”

Norma, age 7

Dear God, “Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t you keep the ones you have?” Kathy, age 8


More than 7.5 billion Oreos are consumed every year.


Where in Kentucky is the “World’s Smallest House of Worship?”


It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson.


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