The Richmond Register

February 11, 2014

Blondes are still my favorite people

By Dick Ham
Liz Denny

RICHMOND —

I was just thinking the other day about blondes. I know that doesn’t surprise my regular readers, even though it has been awhile since I’ve done a blonde column.

I was in a gathering a few days ago and four different people inquired as to when they would see another blonde column.

A newlywed couple purchased a mobile home. The blonde bride was thrilled to learn that it included a washing machine. The first day her husband returned from work, she met him at the door with very sad news. She said, “Honey, that washing machine doesn’t work. I put some pants in, pulled the chain, and I haven’t seen the pants since.”

A blonde was shopping in a clothing store. She couldn’t understand why her purchase should cost so much. “I got this from the 15 to 35 percent off rack, and I choose 35 percent.

A young man gave his blonde girlfriend a very nice AM radio. It took her several weeks before she realized she could play it in the PM.

A lady purchased a thriving rosebush, and she was forced to return it to the store. The blonde sales clerk, asked, “Is something the matter?” The lady handed her a mass of brown sticks and said, “It’s dead.”

The blonde clerk examined the former flora thoroughly, then smiled pleasantly before asking, “And is there anything else wrong with it?”

A blonde was struggling with her computer. She told a friend, “I just don’t think I have the aptitude for this.”

Her friend answered, “They’re easy to use these days, a lot of times the only thing you must do is “Press Any Key.”

“That’s my problem,” the blonde answered, “I can never find the ANY KEY.”

A young couple was about to buy an electric grill and put it on a credit card. They struggled with whether to buy the economy model or the deluxe unit that had every imaginable convenience.

The husband said, “Let’s go ahead and get the expensive one.” The blonde wife said, “It really won’t cost us any more. We’ll just have to pay longer.”

A blonde joined a health spa and on her first visit was putting on her shoes to begin exercising. A friend sitting next to her asked, why do you have TGIF on the toes of your shoes, do you need to be reminded that it’s Friday. The blonde answered, “That doesn’t tell me it’s Friday, that tells me, toes go in first.”

A girl said to her blonde friend, “I think your boyfriend is really cute, his wavy hair and blue eyes are super.”

The blonde answered, “Yes, and he has a twin.”

“Really, can you tell them apart easily?”

The blonde replied, “Well if you look close, you’ll notice his sister’s a brunette and a little shorter than him.”

A blonde received a notice that she had a parcel to pick up at the post office. She went to the office and the clerk spent several minutes searching for the package. He came back with a very large manila envelope that was severely damaged. He said, “I think this may be yours, but the name is obliterated.”

“It’s not mine then,” the blonde answered, “My name is Smith.”



TRIVIA ANSWER

Georgetown College was established in 1829.



TRIVIA QUESTION

What Comedy team has made more movies than any other team?



THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

When you feel that everything in your life has gone south, you can boost your morale with this saying: “From the day you are born till you ride in a  hearse, there is nothing so bad that it couldn’t get worse.”

— Nannie Bett Hensley