The Richmond Register

Lifestyles & Community

February 11, 2014

Blondes are still my favorite people

RICHMOND —

I was just thinking the other day about blondes. I know that doesn’t surprise my regular readers, even though it has been awhile since I’ve done a blonde column.

I was in a gathering a few days ago and four different people inquired as to when they would see another blonde column.

A newlywed couple purchased a mobile home. The blonde bride was thrilled to learn that it included a washing machine. The first day her husband returned from work, she met him at the door with very sad news. She said, “Honey, that washing machine doesn’t work. I put some pants in, pulled the chain, and I haven’t seen the pants since.”

A blonde was shopping in a clothing store. She couldn’t understand why her purchase should cost so much. “I got this from the 15 to 35 percent off rack, and I choose 35 percent.

A young man gave his blonde girlfriend a very nice AM radio. It took her several weeks before she realized she could play it in the PM.

A lady purchased a thriving rosebush, and she was forced to return it to the store. The blonde sales clerk, asked, “Is something the matter?” The lady handed her a mass of brown sticks and said, “It’s dead.”

The blonde clerk examined the former flora thoroughly, then smiled pleasantly before asking, “And is there anything else wrong with it?”

A blonde was struggling with her computer. She told a friend, “I just don’t think I have the aptitude for this.”

Her friend answered, “They’re easy to use these days, a lot of times the only thing you must do is “Press Any Key.”

“That’s my problem,” the blonde answered, “I can never find the ANY KEY.”

A young couple was about to buy an electric grill and put it on a credit card. They struggled with whether to buy the economy model or the deluxe unit that had every imaginable convenience.

The husband said, “Let’s go ahead and get the expensive one.” The blonde wife said, “It really won’t cost us any more. We’ll just have to pay longer.”

A blonde joined a health spa and on her first visit was putting on her shoes to begin exercising. A friend sitting next to her asked, why do you have TGIF on the toes of your shoes, do you need to be reminded that it’s Friday. The blonde answered, “That doesn’t tell me it’s Friday, that tells me, toes go in first.”

A girl said to her blonde friend, “I think your boyfriend is really cute, his wavy hair and blue eyes are super.”

The blonde answered, “Yes, and he has a twin.”

“Really, can you tell them apart easily?”

The blonde replied, “Well if you look close, you’ll notice his sister’s a brunette and a little shorter than him.”

A blonde received a notice that she had a parcel to pick up at the post office. She went to the office and the clerk spent several minutes searching for the package. He came back with a very large manila envelope that was severely damaged. He said, “I think this may be yours, but the name is obliterated.”

“It’s not mine then,” the blonde answered, “My name is Smith.”

TRIVIA ANSWER

Georgetown College was established in 1829.

TRIVIA QUESTION

What Comedy team has made more movies than any other team?

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

When you feel that everything in your life has gone south, you can boost your morale with this saying: “From the day you are born till you ride in a  hearse, there is nothing so bad that it couldn’t get worse.”

— Nannie Bett Hensley

 

1
Text Only
Lifestyles & Community
  • 4.15 Eggstravaganza 1.jpg Easter bunny's ‛eggbeater’ will fly eggs to Richmond

    Who knew the Easter bunny could fly?

    Skeptics can come to the Easter Eggstravaganza in Richmond’s Irvine-McDowell Park on Saturday to see for themselves. However, the bunny still doesn’t fly in bad weather. But on Monday, temperatures in the 60s with partly cloudy skies were predicted for Saturday.

    April 14, 2014 1 Photo

  • Dick-Ham.jpg We old folks have unique experiences

    A friend sent this to me by e-mail, and I thought my readers would enjoy it.

    April 14, 2014 1 Photo

  • Hope’s Wings volunteers need your help today

    Help a local resident “get out of jail,” and in turn help men, women and children break the cycle of domestic violence in Madison and surrounding counties.

    April 11, 2014

  • 4-11 FosterParentYear.jpg Bereans named Foster Parents of Year, Outstanding Adoptive Parent

    Stephanie and Doug Gillum of Berea will be honored as Foster Parents of the Year tonight during an appreciation reception at the Kentucky Horse Park.

    April 10, 2014 2 Photos

  • 4-11 PuppetryFILE.jpg Puppet parade planned Saturday in Berea

    The city of Berea will be celebrating Puppets in the Park on Saturday as part of the National Day of Puppetry.

    April 10, 2014 1 Photo

  • Animal group seeks volunteers to assist with spay/neuter clinic

    The Madison County Humane Society/Animal League for Life is reaching out to the community for help with its low-cost spay and neuter clinic.
    The clinic, which operates at the HS/ALL adoption center at 128-C Big Hill Avenue, has spayed or neutered more than 2,000 dogs and cats since it opened in July 2012, according to volunteer Lynn Grove.

    April 3, 2014

  • State funding to help keep domestic violence shelter open

    Money for Madison County domestic violence intervention in the recently passed $20 billion state budget will be used to keep the Hope’s Wings shelter open.
    The budget bill now awaits the governor’s signature.

    April 2, 2014

  • 3-29 PetsofWeek1.jpg Pets of the Week

    This week's cat is Jett, a neutered and front declawed 5-year-old male.

    This week's dog is Ace, a 2-year-old male Chihuahua mix.

    March 29, 2014 2 Photos

  • Expanded Local Foods Expo is Saturday in Berea

    The annual Local Foods Expo, sponsored by Sustainable Berea, has outgrown its humble beginnings, a workshop with 40 attendees five years ago.

    This year’s event is from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Saturday on the lawn of the Berea Welcome Center (old L&N Depot) in Old Town on Broadway.

    March 26, 2014

  • Diabetes walk Saturday at YMCA

    The Stepping Out for Diabetes 2014 walk will start 11 a.m. Saturday at the Telford YMCA, 1100 E. Main St., Richmond.

    March 26, 2014